In numerous studies, Millennials and Gen Z’ers mention “true friendship” as one of their most unmet needs. What is true friendship? What’s unique about Christian friendship? Brandon and Fr. Blake explore what ancient thinkers such as Plato, Aristotle, Cicero, and Augustine have said about friendship, describe their own friendship, and explain how to find and develop deep friendships yourself.
Links
- Laelius De Amicitia (Treatise on Friendship) by Cicero
- Friends and Friendship for Saint Augustine by Sr. Marie Aquinas McNamara
- Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Rievaulx
This is a wonderful podcast and a refreshing break from the unfriendly discourse so prevalent today.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it, Rigo!
Thank you so much for this podcast. I completely agree with what you two said regarding the collapse of the definition of love so that it now mainly includes only the romantic/sexual definition. Due to this, I spent the first two years of undergrad really wanting to date and getting friend zoned. When I took a break from pursuing dating, I realized the companionship and intimacy I had previously thought only came from romantic relationship I actually already had from my deep spiritual platonic female friendships, which are the best thing I took from undergrad. In our culture’s over-sexualization of everything, we have sexualized love to the exclusion of non-sexual forms of love between people who are not related.
Great points Beth. Very true. God bless!
Brandon and Fr. Blake,
Thanks for this awesome podcast! I look forward to each episode.
This one really hit home for me, as i just lost a dear true friend recently.
I know she is still beside me, leading me ever closer to Christ and Our Blessed Mother.
Thank you for your kind words. My heart breaks to hear about your loss. Please know that your friend will be in my prayers. God bless!
I enjoyed this podcast very much. I appreciate hearing all the heady, spiritual facts that you shared. I remember some from my College Courses. I find friendship has different aspects for me because my many friends are at different levels. My best friends are priests because they represent Christ for me. Next, several Religious Sisters. Finally, High School friend’s who share m love of Christ. There are many acquaintances with whom prayer is shared. I also have acquaintances who are non-believers or from other sects which makes life interesting. Still, my deep love of Jesus Christ keeps me Hungry for a more profound experience from Jesus, my Spouse and Lord. Thank you for inviting me to listen and share. God continue to bless you dear Brandon and your family as well as your friend Father Blake.
Thank you!!!
I really enjoyed this podcast and I’m going to share it. You made a good point about testing the friendship. I think one of the biggest challenges in making friends is trust. We all want so much to be understood and accepted yet don’t know how to trust. A gradual testing makes good sense.
Great to hear!! And thanks for sharing!
Brandon/Fr. Blake…watched your podcast regarding friendships with much interest; it was certainly time well spent. I have been deeply involved in a special friendship that is going on four years in August. We are in our autumn years, both of us losing our spouses to health issues after long years of marriage some years ago. My now special friend saw me in our parish and liked the way I proclaimed God’s word at Mass. He gave himself some time to consider the possibility of initiating a call to this lady to ask for a dinner date and a time to possibly get to know one another. He was missing having a partner beside him in his very active participation in the community and parish settings. A call was made, invitation accepted, the time spent together quickly went into hours feeling totally comfortable in breaking open our hearts with much to say and enjoy. We were both drawn into a relationship that we felt was gifted to us by God that continues to grow into a deep caring and abiding trust firmly being formed in us as we desire to grow in holiness. Marriage is not an option for us due to health issues; our decision to remain celebrate was mutually agreed upon not without much deeply honest communication which keeps us in God’s divine will as we enjoy seeking His purpose for us as an older couple enjoying immensely the time we are given to enrich each other’s lives. These older-in-love friendships are special and becoming more numerous. The importance of asking God to lead us as we grow in our oneness with Him and one another is of paramount importance; the fruit of love and grace leads us to shared joys, mutual support and caring that grows by the day. We are ever grateful for the gift of each other. Thanks for your listening ears and resources on friendships. God bless and keep you both! Shirley Bachmeier gmabach@aol.com
Great reflection. Thank you for sharing. I will be praying for you and your friends. God bless!
I thought this was a spot on heartfelt talk on Christian friendship.. truly inspiring, Brandon & Fr. Blake, & I thank you for it! I think part of the reason our world today has trouble with true & deep friendships, is due to the fact that the secular world is upside down in its concept of love. There’s a rush to connect superficially for immediate gratification of things of this world & the flesh. Romantic relationships are portrayed in the media as whirlwind lust centered encounters of hooking up. Quite the opposite of God centered love, where a person always puts their partner on a pedestal, never wishing to hurt their soul. I feel very strongly about this & am in the process of writing a book which I hope to develop a screen play for, so that we can begin to turn things around on the big screen & reach as many folks as possible. I do believe most of us crave this kind of moral, Christian friendship, not the kind that is pushed down our throats at every turn.
Thank you Elaine! And may God bless your endeavors.
This is such a great podcast! The content is intellectual and presented in such an approachable way, and the topics are very relevant. Thank you, Brandon and Fr. Blake, for sharing this fruit of your friendship. The only thing I would disagree with on this latest episode is the idea of “effeminate/feminine” masculinity that was very briefly mentioned. I completely agree that our culture presents men with unhealthy extremes of masculinity, neither of which are true, virtuous masculinity. The extremes were called machismo and effeminate (or feminine) masculinity. I think what you meant by effeminacy and over-feminization was perhaps a sense of weakness/indecision/passivity/cowardice (correct me if I misunderstood)? But none of those qualities (with the exception perhaps of the first, in a strictly physical sense) are truly feminine either. If anything, they are a perversion of feminine stereotypes as machismo is a perversion of masculine stereotypes. I believe it’s important to talk about healthy masculinity and femininity, but they are complements – not opposites in the sense that less of one means more of the other. You can probably put it in better terms philosophically, but I think it’s important to make that distinction so that we don’t equate “bad masculinity” with “femininity”.
Emily,
Thank you for your kind words. And Yes!! You are absolutely correct! I think the distinction lies between femininity and effeminacy (or even more accurate is what I call “a-feminacy” meaning “anti” or “un”-feminine). Femininity is a good thing and entails great virtue (think of Joan of Arc, Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, etc…). I would argue that our society, specifically in its relation to boys and young men, is NOT promoting femininity, but a-femininity meaning a false understanding of what it means to be woman as a response to male chauvinism (aka “toxic masculinity”). There is a lot more we could say about this topic, but you most certainly are on the right track. Thank you again!
This podcast really spoke to me. I’ve been thinking about friendship for some time, and it is encouraging to hear about yours. I happened to be reading Sirach chapter 6 today. Verses 5-17 were a really nice complement to the podcast, and I encourage any listeners to read and pray those verses.
What is the classical piece of music at the beginning of the podcast?
Thank you for reminding us to pray for true friendships!! I shared this podcast with my prayer group and many commented that they were touched by it. Many thanks!!
Thank you guys so much for this podcast!!! I listen to each episode several times to tide me over until the next episode. May God bless you!
Good afternoon Fr. Blake and Brandon,
I wanted to thank you for the podcast and what the Lord is doing in your lives. I am leaving a comment to let you know how much I enjoyed the podcast on “true friendship.” It was really well done and took me about three hours to listen to it because I was taking notes and going back multiple times to make sure I understood what was being said. Anyways, thank you for this beautiful witness and sharing of your gifts with the Church.
Well done Sasuke. Naruto out!
Should a husband and wife be good christian friends to have a successful marriage or does friendship not have a role in christian marriage?
This is an awesome rich site for Catholic life, discussing real issues and at a depth not easily found. This podcast on friendship was so enlightening and moving gift me to ask God to bring me real deep catholic relationships. In the last 2 years I have been found by a couple of wonderful Catholics that have enriched my life so much and really motivated me to learn, study and discover my cradle catholic faith in profound ways. I’ve discovered that I have gone without any deep true friendship since 1973 in earliest college. I can remember the intellectual stimulation in philosophy class and the (catholic) professor’s deep talks with me and spiritual counsel even. I filled my life with work, marriage and children and neglected my own nourishment and deep reflection and discussions.
I loved your episode on true Christian friendship. It was filled with great advice and heartfelt wisdom. Thank you for these podcasts.
God bless
Thank you Fr Blake and Brandon. Your thought provoking and moving podcast on true friendship really stirred my heart. So many friendships falter and fade because they are on such a superficial level whereas your talking of wanting only the spiritual best for the other takes the very idea of Christian friendship to a whole new level. Thank you both for your openness and honesty and for all the Christian joy you so obviously share!
It was a very insightful and all rounded podcast indeed! Touching the surface on what friendship really is and how we are called as Christians for these types of friendships that you have mentioned but I do have one question : In the video, the examples of the friendships mentioned are between two men. Is there also such a thing as a man and a woman being best friends in a friendship love and not a romantic love?
This episode is an answer to my prayers, that I’ve prayed for so long. I’ve always felt there was something missing in my friendships, a longing for something more, and you both answered it.
I’d also love to hear more of a discussion on what to do in the meantime while you pray and patiently wait for that true friendship that God will naturally bring to us. In today’s society, people have a hard time being content and have a strong desire for connection, instead of contemplation in the will of God, this includes our relationships. This topic could also build on what individuals and parents can do to form their kids from the beginning (of any age) or even ourselves with healthy habits/expectations in order to steer away from toxic relationships, which can also be intended to be Christ-centered.
I absolutely love your ministry and topics you’re touching on. Praying for you brothers in Christ!
I LOVE this podcast. It’s one of my absolute favorite where I actually listen and re-listen to each episode. I was listening to this one again and was wondering if you could speak to friendship and romantic relationships more. I struggle with friendships and maybe there are others like me, but I mostly depend on my spouse maybe to fulfill both roles of holy friendship and marriage. Is that unfair to my spouse? We naturally have a lot of common interests, we grow together in our faith, and we continually communicate on where we are at in our personal and spiritual lives. Are holy friendships the same but more “sitting in the same boat” since there are certain things that only another woman like myself would understand? I also had a hard time with this when reading The Four Loves by CS Lewis.
Anyway I love this podcast and thought your conversation was incredibly fruitful. But I hope I am not alone in this confusion.
Thank you !!